“Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and avail yourself of a bottle of Doctor Thimble’s Famous Serpent Oil! It’s the only vitalized emulsion available across both Eqs, North and South, derived from a patented and proprietary process using only the most potent venom milked from the fearsome fangs of a great Wasteland feathered serpent! Combined with the blood-cleansing agent Guaiacol and a blend of herbs so sacred to the nomads of that irradiated plain that they must be spirited away by yours truly in the deadest of night at great personal peril!
Doctor Thimble’s Famous Serpent Oil is a surefire deterrent to the hair loss, arthritis, rheumatoid swelling, saddle sores, neuralgia, and yes, the silent shame of the Wastes, the constipation that plagues even the hardiest of our nomadic heroes! Indeed no traveller would be caught dead without a supply of Doctor Thimble’s Wasteland Tonic stashed in their Farraday bags! Available today, right now, for the astonishingly low price of 45 Nucreds! An unbelievable bargain and balm against the cold, cold world that awaits you once you go beyond the pale horizon into that unforgiving territory!
Accept no imitations! Only those bottles bought direct from the Serpent Oil Company and bearing Doctor Thimble’s seal of authenticity can be guaranteed to produce the pure primal healing power of the Great Serpents!”